Sunday, November 27, 2016

Do we really need to know?

For the last five months we have begun to settle into a new life. I'm not sure we will ever be normal again as living overseas kind of ruins whatever we think of as normal.

A former student was passing through on his way out west and stayed the night at our house. He asked a lot of great questions, one that stuck with me was this: Did God have a bigger purpose for you in Africa than just serving the village for three years? You went because you were called, but why leave? You loved your job, your community, your friends, and life was good. You served three years and now you are home and all of what you knew is history, so was it just to serve the people there or was it bigger than that?

What a great question. I have chewed on that one for awhile. God always has something bigger in everything we do and it is training for what is to come. In the moment the answer is of course we left because he called, but that first year in Africa was tough. It was not the thing you find in newsletters and updates, in fact it was tough at times to find much to report back. It was when we returned and reflected on the bigger picture that we were able to see what we came away with and how we changed as a person, couple, and family.

For me it was a time of chiseling, refining and reflecting on who I had become, the good, the bad as well as showing me where I had to go to become the leader he wanted. For so long I had relied upon my gifts and personality to succeed. That served no purpose in a culture where you cannot communicate nor understand what is going on most of the time.

In our time away we were able to work on our marriage and our communication as a couple. God worked on me to become a better leader, a better listener, to have more patience, and to better control my tongue. I am still and will always be a work in progress and I do not profess to have it all figured out. Many times in short term missions we comment how it helps the person more than the place they served. For me our three years away made just as much an impact on me as it did on the community we served. I know we made a difference; we saw it and heard it. In the weeks leading up to our leaving the village the church leaders and our friends shared with us what we had meant to the village. What a blessing that time was and a nice gift from God. We still talk to those friends and are engaged in serving with them in this time of their own personal growth.

It is still a mystery to me why God called us away from a vibrant ministry we loved, to live in Africa and now on to a new church family. One thing I have decided is not to try to figure it out and instead just rest in God's mystery. Today we spend too much time trying to figure things out, instead of just being in awe of God and how amazing he is and always will be. We do not always need to know and we forget if he wants us to know he will reveal it to us. When we sit in awe of him, rest in his majesty, and marvel how he keeps it all together, it gives us that proper perspective that He is God and we are not. We were put here to worship him and obey him, not solve or debate all of life's problems. For me it is easier to worship him when I remember my role in this story and appreciate all he does for me daily.  I must remember I am not the center, this is His Story. Some problems will never be solved, but are we stopping long enough to let it be a mystery? Worship him for who and what he is, and obey what he has called for each of us on our journeys. Perhaps, as we obey and listen to his still voice some of the problems will be solved since he already has the solutions and things worked out. Have faith like a child, let some things be a mystery and just humbly obey his word and instruction in your life.